Notes from the country

A weekend away was just what we needed.  The kids and I traveled down to Mize, MS to visit with my grandfather and grandmother (pawpaw and nannnymae!) and had a lovely time.  Everything moves at a snail pace down there, or did on that weekend we were there and it really did our bodies good.  Here are some thoughts and observations I had over the weekend:

-Mize is surely the most God touched place in Mississippi.  The rolling hills, lush green stuff and untouched land were breathtaking.  I was taking snapshots in my mind as I traveled the little country backroads to my grandparent's house.  I always thought of Vicksburg as being the most beautiful MS spot, but I was so wrong- its Mize.

- Watching a polka band on television is about as interesting as you would imagine.  BUT, listening to your grandfather's commentary during the program is worth it!

- When pawpaw was a little boy, he lived near Lake Washington in MS.  At one point, there was a German POW camp near the area and the government gave Pawpaw's family 8 POW's to help farm their land. Paw paw says he got to know the men pretty good and realized how much alike they really were to our own "boys".  One man had lost touch with his family back in Germany and feared for their lives because they lived in a place where there was heavy fire.  Pawpaw's momma wrote her other son (one of the two of Pawpaw's brothers who were overseas fighting in the war) and told him about the man and named his family and where they lived to see if he could find anything out.  And HE DID! He was able to get word back that they were all okay.  Doesn't that sound like something out of a movie?

-Hazel has decided she likes purses.  Alot.  She wouldn't go anywhere this weekend without the purse in one hand and the babydoll in the other.  So cute.

-Adler got to ride in my uncle's "monster truck" (his jeep with big wheels).  My uncle is in Haiti right now and will be coming home very soon- we are all so anxious to see him again.  Anyway, Adler is still talking about it.  Living the dream, people, living the dream.

whoopsies

Poor Eric, I did this to him last year too.  I forgot to publicly acknowledge on Sunday the birth of the man who started this little family, so happy late birthday Eric!  Love love love you!  (and for those of you wondering, I promise I didn't actually forget his birthday, just forgot mentioning it here!)

My weekend

Here's how I want my weekend to look:

*movie and popcorn after kids go to sleep
*play, play and more play outside- I am thinking the whole family at the military park on Saturday
*church, play, nap, play
And if there is time, maybe a little cleaning out the fridge

I will let you know how it goes!

stolen

My sister posted this picture of my parents taken way back when, before there were kids and jobs and family and well, the life they built together. I had to steal it from her and post it on my blog too. I think all of their children would say that this is our favorite picture of our parents together (although if I remember correctly, my mom said she didn't like this picture when it was taken and I can't imagine why. My dad is so dashing; my mom mysterious and beautiful).

This is my new favorite picture.

(from left to right....bottom: Ashley White Mason, Brittany White, Laura Wolfe Lornitzo, Rhonda Morris McGraw, Nicholas Wolfe.....top: John (Trey) White, Brian Wolfe, Shannon White Trisler, David Wolfe, Joseph Wolfe)

At my nanny's funeral, most of her grandchildren (my cousins) sang one of her favorite songs, "Amazing Grace." It was so special to not only share this with my cousins, but be a part of this celebration of her life. Anyway, this picture was snapped, and I love it. It is what my family is about.

No frills here

Oh, I am not doing well at all with these little happy posts for two reasons: 1. I can't keep up with them every day and 2. I am using them as a substitute for actual blog posts.

Oh well. It is what it is and I guess we can deal!

Beautiful day at the park today with the kids and Brittany. Britt brought kites for her and Adler. It was pretty entertaining watching the two of them running around with their limbs flailing about, the kites dragging behind them. I think Brittany thought she was a kite runner.

And that's my happy thing #9- watching Brittany and Adler running around in the grass, both red faced and smiling.

Then then there's one from the day before the day after yesterday: Happiness is all my cousins together, laughing, making fun and being made fun of, and "feeling the love" of my family.

And then the other one I missed (the day after 4 days before today)- Happiness is seeing the mail-man coming down my road.

Big comfort from little hands

My grandmother passed away peacefully yesterday, surrounded by her children and other family that loved her. She will be missed greatly, but we rejoice with her as she reunites with her son, her brothers and sister, her parents, and many others that have gone before her.

I was not at the hospital when she died, so I got a phone call. As I hung up the phone, I began to cry. Adler looked up from what he was doing and came and hugged me and rubbed on my hair, telling me that it was alright. He asked me what was wrong so I told him that Nanny had gone to Heaven and that I was crying because I was going to miss her. He looked at me and told me that it was okay because we were going to go there and see her soon.

Of course, in his mind, Heaven is like this big playground we can come and go as we please, so he doesn't quite understand what he was saying. But HOW TRUE! What hope we have as Christians that we will see our loved ones again. Though we may grieve and mourn our tremendous loss, we can rejoice that our loss is only temporary. I can't imagine how people who don't believe that deal with tragedy or loss. Thank God I believe!

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Day Two

Happiness is how warm and soft and wonderful my bed feels after a 3am feeding.

On other news, please continue to keep Nanny in your prayers. She has been sleeping the past few days and seems to be comfortable. Everyone is just loving on her and praying for her.

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name"

So, this Bible. Wow! I first heard about it from my sister, read some of her's, and then did a little research before getting one myself. I am so glad I did! Every single time I have read from it to Adler, I have learned something and been moved by it. It not only tells a story, but tells the importance of that story. Some of it is above Adler's head now, but it opens up windows of opportunity for me to talk with him about things, and also opens up his little heart to the message of Christ.

The author, Sally Lloyd Jones, said this of the book:

"As a child, I thought the Bible was packed with rules you had to keep (or God wouldn’t love you) and heroes setting examples you had to follow (or God wouldn’t love you). I thought, in short, that the Bible was all about me and what I should (or shouldn’t) be doing. Until I read a Story.
It’s the Story running like a golden stream underneath all the other stories in the Bible: the story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them. Suddenly, I realized the Bible wasn’t about me and what I should be doing at all. It was about God and what he had done. And it changed everything."

So that's the premise of this children's bible. Every story, everything that happened in the Bible, and everything that has happened since then, is all about Jesus, and what He did for us. What a powerful message!

If you want to read more from Lloyd-Jones' interview, you can find it here. And to go to the actual book's website, click here.

Introducing

the newest nephew, Calhoun Scott

Isn't he a cutie?

(photo nabbed by his momma)

I am an aunt x8 now!

Congrats to my big sis on the birth of her fifth child (and 4th boy, I might add) born yesterday at 3:39 PM; I can't tell you the name until she does, but its a cute one- and so is he!! I don't have any pics on my computer yet, but he is round and cuddly and so so cute. I can't WAIT to get my hands on him!!

She had a great labor and delivery and both are doing great. Congratulations Shannon and Pat and kids- I am one proud auntie!

Now, one more little niece or nephew (I know which one but I'm not saying until Melissa does!!) to be born in 2010 in just a few short months, so excited to meet this little one too! And I think that's all for 2010, but who knows!

(How's that for exclamation points!! My whole post was one big !!)

Last minute holiday gift idea

When I was a little girl, my mom always read to me stories about princesses and fairy tales and adventures from this big red book (pub 1978), called "Walt Disney's Treasury of Children's Classic". It was full of illustrations from the animated movies of Snow White, Cinderella and all the other disney classics I grew up watching. The book was a big deal. Mom said she had to order it from a catalog. It was a treasured item in our house and to this day evokes feelings of family and security and everything good in life.

So yesterday, I was at walmart, of all places and guess what- they had the exact same book! Well, it was updated with newer stories like The Lion King, but the old ones are still there, with the original illustrations and and introductions that tell you about the making of the movies. I immediately grabbed it up for Hazel. She is obviously too young for it now, but I hope that we will share some special memories reading it together as I remember with my mother.

If you are still looking for a special gift for any child around 4+, I highly recommend this book! It has stories for both boys and girls and they are sure to love it!

Obsession

The kids!

Honestly, if I have to say "Arr Matey" one more time, I may pull my eyebrows out.

Adler is totally and completely OBSESSED with pirates. He works the topic into every single sentence that he says in a day and it monopolizes all of our playtime all day long. And if we watch a movie, you can bet it is either Peter Pan, Treasure Planet or that Veggie Tales pirate movie. I don't mind feeding the obsession, but I need to google pirate speak and situations so that I can vary my own play a bit. He is quite adorable about it. He never tires of it and has the cutest little mean pirate voice.

And Hazel, sweet Hazel. She is spending her SECOND night in her very own crib in her very own bed! It happened by accident last night. She fell asleep in my arms as I was getting Adler ready to bed so I decided to put her in her crib, thinking she would wake up soon after. But she didn't, and when I went to sleep, it didn't make much sense to wake her up to take her to my room. And after that, when she did wake up (ONLY TWICE at 12:30 and 3:15!), it still didn't make sense to bring her to my room as she was doing well in her own bed. I couldn't resist to bring her in my bed for a snuggle when she woke up at 6:15 though. Its very bittersweet. I know it is time- she's just about 3 months and Eric has literally been sleeping on the couch for 3 months; but I am not really ready. Last night, I slept horrible. I was feeling very lonely for my warm, chubby little girl! But, I guess she has to grow up sometime. Might as well put her out now (boo).

So all my family on my side is in or will be in Destin this week- I am feeling sad I am not there with them. I know I will miss a great week of visiting and laughing and loving, oh and the sun and sand too. My mom and dad ran a 5K in Destin today but I haven't had a chance to talk to them to see how it went. I am so proud of them though! GO MOM AND DAD!!

And a Happy Birthday!

Daddy dearest, I didn't forget to post a happy birthday to you- I just did not get a minute to post yesterday. I love you and hope you had a wonderful day yesterday. Thanks for teaching me that integrity is the most important thing to own in life, and how to give a killer stink eye.

Seven

years ago I was putting on a white dress and getting ready to marry my best friend. Life is crazy these days and I don't tell my husband nearly as much as I should how much I love him and appreciate him. So E- I love you and appreciate you~ I thank God for giving you to me as my husband and to my children as a father. I have such a joy and peace knowing that it is you that I get to grow old and gray with, that no matter what life brings our way, we will be in it together.

Momma!

You are the best. I love you and wish you the greatest birthday! I am so so thankful for you.

Complete

So I have been thinking about this since Hazel was born, and I just feel the need to write it all out.

After Adler was born, I went through a serious case of baby blues. I don't want to go as far as saying it was postpardem depression because I was able to come out of it without meds or any help from a professional. And well, I just don't want to label it that. But I had a pretty hard time the first nine weeks, starting from the first night in the hospital. That first night, as the first visitor left, I remember thinking, "NNOOO, don't leave me alone. I need someone to take care of this sweet little boy, and me too. I can't be the responsible one yet." I think for me, it was just total shell shock from the change in my life. I loved Adler, and loved that he was a part of our family, but I just went through a period of grief over the loss of the life before he was here. During this time, my mom and my big sister got daily unintelligible phone calls of me just crying for 30 minutes. I avoided phone calls from friends and family and offers to help or come for a visit because I just didn't think I would be able to hold it together in front of anyone. I would go to bed with feelings of extreme anxiety wondering what kind of night would be ahead of me. I would wake up in the morning with more feelings of extreme anxiety over the idea of being home alone with the baby all day long. And then when E would get home, I would feel anxious about how I would put on a happy face and keep the baby happy so that E would actually want to come home to us. It was all irrational, but, the first nine weeks were just clouded with anxiety and just feelings of being very lonely. It is hard now, looking back, even to think of this time, because I really feel like I missed something. Those first few weeks should have been so precious, and I should have soaked up every little baby sound and sweet cuddle, but I just wasn't able to do that.

So, basically, I thought that was how every woman's experience with the newborn stage began, but that no one talked about it. I was determined to fore-warn my friends who were pregnant. And warn them I did. I made sure to tell them how difficult it could be, and that it got better though...I am sure I was successful in scaring them half to death!

I was so affected by these first few months, it was the leading reason that I thought I wanted only one child. I just could not imagine going through it again, even if I knew that it was a short period of time in the big scheme of things, that the outcome was so worth it. I just couldn't do it. Obviously, God had other plans and we did get pregnant again; and as I thought about surviving it again, I was really really worried. The whole 9 months, in the back of my mind, I was terrified at the thought of feeling that way again, especially with a toddler added to the mix. Even the day before I went into labor, I called my mom in tears as the prospect.

But then Hazel was born, and I waited and waited for those feelings to come rushing back. And they didn't. Her cries didn't put me into panic attacks. I actually urged E to stay home with Adler so I could just spend some time cuddling in the hospital with Hazel. And albeit there have been some stressful periods with two, for the main parts of the day, we are all happy and calm. And I feel really good. I have been able to enjoy motherhood of a new baby and toddler. I have been able to look over the dirty floors and poorly prepared meals. I know that I can't guarantee what tomorrow will bring- I could very well lose my mind by lunch-time tomorrow; but for today, life is really good. I am not bragging at all; I just am shocked. I really thought that I had it figured out. I had tried to prepare for the worse- and it just hasn't been. I feel so blessed to have my two beautiful healthy children and a husband who loves the Lord and loves us. My cup is running over.

Why I married him

So E has taken over bedtime duties for Adler the past few weeks and was complaining that he didn't know any of the songs I sang him before bed. So he decided he needed to come up with some of his own. After some research on the internet, E came to me with the lyrics printed out of the songs he was going to start singing him. They included the following:

theme songs for:

Darkwing Duck
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (original)
Tale Spin
Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers
Scooby Doo (original)
Gummi Bears
Tiny Toons

These were cartoons that I believe came out when we were like 14, but are some of his "childhood" favorites. He just doesn't get why any 14 year old would rather watch "Saved By the Bell" and "Hang Time" rather than a cartoon based on tiny jumping gummi bears. And truthfully, I still catch him watching them on the Cartoon Network sometimes. He is excited for the time when Ad gets old enough to watch them with him; but I fear major disappointment ahead for him because I just don't think kids are watching Tale Spin anymore.

Hazel's Story

Adler has been camping with his grandparents this week and comes home tomorrow. I figure I better get in this post before he comes home as there is no telling when I will get the chance to be a normal, functioning adult again.

So warning, birth story ahead.

So Friday, the 19th, I got the itch to clean my house really good. I was going to wait until a few days before my due date, but I just felt like I needed to do it Friday. That should have been my first clue. We had a great weekend, dining out, relaxing, and spending a lot of time together as a family of three. Sunday, we went to church as usual, then out to eat for Father's Day and after nap, watched Adler play in the kiddie pool. After Ad's bedtime, I decided to fold a few loads of laundry. I started having contractions around 9PM, about 10 minutes apart. I honestly didn't think anything of them, just thought it was from standing up folding clothes. Around 10, I thought I would feel better if I took a bath, so I did, and actually I did feel better. Went to bed around 10:30, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, my contractions started coming every 7 minutes and began to get stronger. After about 30 minutes, they were every 5 minutes so I thought I may need to get up and get dressed. I told E that I was going to do a few things around the house, but that I felt we might be going to the hospital soon. At 12, I called my mom and then called E's mom to come over to watch Adler. I woke E up and we left for the hospital around 1:15 AM. The way over there, I was in good spirits. The contractions were definently getting stronger and closer together, and I was so excited that I was going into labor on my own. Honestly, at that point, both E and I thought that they would peeter out once we got to the hospital and they would send us home. Denial I guess! So we got checked in, and I was put on the moniter and told that I was (still) 4 cm, but contracting every 2-3 minutes. This was about 1:45. I was starting to feel some intensity in the contractions, but didn't want to get the epidural until I could do so without being completely paniced about the needle. My first epi exeperience with Adler was pretty terrible, so I was more scared of that than labor pains! Around 330AM, I decided I might want to think about the epi though! I was 5 cm at that point. And it wasn't bad at all! A different doc did it and he was very gentle. So after that, I felt great, but was still able to feel what I needed to feel to give birth. I stalled at 5 cm and was given pitocen around 430 and that sped things up tremedously. At 615, I was at 8 cm and just a few minutes later, I was at 10 and ready to see this little girl! With my mom, E (who was somewhere hiding behind a moniter or something. I swear, he was so far behind me- he told me he learned his lesson with the first one) and E's mom, I met Hazel Lydia at 6:44, after about 5 minutes of actual pushing. She came out crying and pink. I think that may have been the last time she has cried! It was a much easier labor and delivery than with Adler- I think a pound makes a big difference, that and maybe experience. I feel so proud of myself and of little Hazel, for going through this again. It was a beautiful, life changing thing and its still pretty surreal that it happened. I absolutely love the post birth exhilaration that I felt. I wish I could bottle it up and take a swig during those 3AM feedings.

So, Adler comes home tomorrow and thus begins the normalcy again, or the new normal, whatever that will be. I am pretty nervous about it, so keep us in your prayers. I miss Adler terribly though and am ready to just dive right in and hope to pop up swimming, or at least, hang on to the floaties with dear life.

Happy one week birthday Hazel and 30th, Eric!

I totally spaced the other day (the 27th) and forgot to give a birthday shout out to my husband- Happy 30th sweetie- you are the best and I love you. I am blessed to have you as my help-mate, best friend, and husband.

And happy one week birthday Hazel!

Now, on to hormone induced topics....

So, Adler is spending a few days camping with E's parents. He was excited but I was feeling pretty sad about having him away. And then to top it off, last night when I called to tell him goodnight, he didn't want to talk to me. There were tears, let me tell you (mine.) Ad and I, especially the past few months, have really become partners. Staying at home, I have him basically at my side 24-7. I am really feeling pretty sad about not having him to myself anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am loving having Hazel here and would never want anything different. But its bittersweet, because it means giving up something with Adler. I think he will be fine with it once he adjusts, but will I? I want to continue to give him what I always have, and I know that's not possible. I miss my little guy, and the time we spend together. I know things will eventually even out. I know that I will find time to have two arms to hug him again, two hands and undivided attention to play with him. Logically I know that, but it doesn't stop the ache in my heart to have it readily available for him at all times. I was prepared to feel guilt over not being able to spend as much time with Ad as we are both accustomed to. As a matter of fact, it was one of the first emotions I had when I found out I was pregnant in the first place. What I wasn't prepared for was the intense longing I have to hug and love on Adler, to assure him that I love him even more than I did yesterday, that his world is the same, and to continue to do all the things that I did with him before, that maybe I didn't even particularly always want to do, like bathe him or sing him 200 songs before bed.

I remember when I had Adler, I went through this same thing, on a larger scale, but in the midst of the excitement and joy of having him, I mourned the loss of the time I had to spend with Eric and also myself. It did take a long time to get my groove back, to find our place as a family of 3. And now, I can't IMAGINE my family without Ad. I can't think of a time I was happier than when Adler has been in our life. My relationship with E and the person that I am now is so much richer because of that little boy. And I know that Hazel will do the same thing to our family. Its just the adjusting part that is sort of tricky!