Guilty!

Has this ever happened to you?

Monday (or tuesday or friday or sunday...) morning, late again, dog bowl has mysteriously tipped over, phone is ringing, 4 year old whining because he doesn't want to wear his coat, yogurt stuck in my hair, and where are my keys anyway, 1 year old is jumping off the stairs, and why why why why can't I bring my monster truck to school, momma, whhhhhhhyyy?

You get one guess who gets in trouble for his transgressions and probably in a little more trouble than he would normally if everything else would have been going smoothly.  I mean, somebody's got to feel the brunt of my frustration right, and I can't really blame it on my 1 year old baby, or my friend who is calling me, or my dog....or myself.

Ouch.  This one hurts. 

How easy it is to punish our children out of the situation instead of the actual action.  Don't get me wrong.  We do not tolerate whining in our house.  It is cause for discipline.  But if I am honest with myself, in a situation like that, I expect Adler to act like the grown man that he is.  If he can't recognize the dire straits I am in and begin to act maturely as to ease my discomfort, there are consequences.....how utterly ridiculous does that sound?

I just finished reading, "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches" by Rachel Jankovic and it has a whole chapter devoted to this nasty little habit.  This whole book really convicted me on a lot issues that I have already been struggling with but was unsure as to how to work through.  It really gave me a renewed sense of focus and direction.  It also reminded me to slow down and enjoy these years; they are SO fleeting. 

I could go on and on about the ways that it has changed my attitudes about motherhood and discipline, but really, what I think you should do, is pick one up yourself and get what you can from it. It is a short and entertaining but really delves into some important stuff.  I plan on reading it multiple times, as I have a pretty thick head sometimes.  I HIGHLY recommend it.

 

Matters of the heinie

Some of you have asked how my cloth diapering is going and why in the world I would ever ever subject myself to it. So here's why.

Well, up until I decided to try it out, I was among the many who would never in a million years even think about going cloth. I mean, who really wants to swirl those dirty diapers around in the toilet for 20 minutes?

So, one day, I was thinking about how happy I was that Adler was finally potty trained because swirling that dirty underwear around in the toilet was not fun. For those of you who don't know, we were "potty training" Adler for the last year and it wasn't until about 2 months ago that he finally got it and he has been diaper free and basically no accidents ever since. But for the past year, there have been LOTS of wet and dirty accidents in underwear.

Then it occurred to me: I survived and it wasn't completely terrible or life changing. And then it occurred to me that if I can deal with "big kid poop" (which you know, parents, how disgusting that can be), then SURELY I can deal with baby poop on a cloth diaper. And if I only committed to part time diapering, saving around 3 disposable diapers a day, I will have recouped my initial investment in 3 months. Part time seems do-able. The past two days, I have only used disposable at night, so I have saved way more disposables than that so I will recoup it earlier if I keep going like that.

And cloth these days, WAY different then what I remember when my baby sister was in them. There is no swirling. I bought the flip diaper system, which is super affordable and super easy. Its basically just a cover and a absorbent cloth insert that you change out when you are changing diapers and keep the same cover on. I can machine wash and even dry in the dryer. So far, I am loving it. Now, she hasn't had any blow-outs or leaks yet, but I know it will happen. But guess what- it happens sometimes with Pampers too.

So right now, all is good. I am saving money and helping the environment; and as an added bonus, Hazel looks so darn cute in them I could just die.

Lessons

I will get into all the "Christmasy" updates later, but for now, I wanted to share this blogable moment at the Mason's.

so Christmas Eve. 5 PM. Christmas cookies baked and decorated. Christmas crafts completed. Christmas songs sung all day. It was Christmas all day here. We were in good spirits and enjoying family time. Then Adler asks for his Mickey Mouse race track, which was at the bottom of the black hole that is the toy closet. I told him that he had plenty of toys, new ones from the Mason Christmas a few days before, and that there would be more toys tomorrow, so no, I wouldn't get it out. "But," he said, "I really really want it. I don't want my other toys."
I told him that if he didn't want any of his toys that we would throw them out. This was where I made my mistake.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay? You don't want any of your toys?"

"No, mam, just my race track."

At this time, E came in and started in too. "So, we are going to throw out every single one of your toys and you only want your racetrack?" E asked.

To which Adler replied, "throw them all away, please, and get my race track out."

This went on for another good 10 minutes.

What were we to do? He completely called our bluff and we couldn't not do it.

So we emptied out the whole house of EVERY single toy and hid it in the back room. We took a 2 year old's toys away from him on CHRISTMAS EVE. But don't be mistaken, he was completely okay with it. He was actually pointing out toys we had missed. He was happy in the empty room with his racetrack. I mean, we even took away his beloved dog, Spot (original, I know) that he likes to sleep with every night and he didn't care even one iota. In fact, we were TRYING to get him to care and mentioned that poor Spot didn't have a home anymore. To which he replied, "Oh yes he does, the trash-can."

Oye.

We were getting nervous. I mean, we could not let this go on. We had to have a point of "lesson learned" before Christmas morning or else we would couldn't even do Christmas morning presents and Santa and all that. And then we would officially be the worst parents ever. So, finally, we convinced him that he was sorry and that he did want his toys back and that he did love and appreciate them, although I have my doubts about the sincerity. We told him that we would call the garbage man and maybe he would bring them back the next day. So after he went to bed, we spent the whole night putting all of his toys back out and organized, our night of a peaceful Christmas Eve thwarted by our efforts at a teaching moment.

I think that maybe the only lesson learned here was not to make any threats or promises unless you whole heartily believe in carrying them out.

I had to have it!

***WARNING****baby and shopping talk to follow****

My cousin Laura is having a baby in a month or so, and posted a blog entry on some baby products she thought to be pretty useless. This got many comments, and got me to thinking about some of the things I bought that I just had to have but never actually used.


I admit that I am a baby-gear-aphile. I love anything and everything that will make my life easier. I mean, why not, right? That's just what the baby gear marketers love to hear. I will tell you that I have wasted plenty of pennies on stuff I never use though.


So, here are some things that in theory, would save any mom's life on a daily basis, but proved to be pretty useless for me.


1. The Bumbo seat. I know, I know, "they" say its worth every penny of the $40 you pay for it. But I think Ad may have sat on the thing a total of 15 minutes. He would sit in it for 1 minute and then want me to hold him.


2. The swing. I know I am in the minority on this one, but its true. He didn't take to it. I am holding on to it for baby #2 if we go that route.


3. The Combi Baby Carrier- after Ad outgrew his BABYBJORN Carrier I thought I had to have this so we could continue the baby wearing that was working so well for us, but the thing was complicated to put on and I felt like he was falling out of it when he was in it. We used it twice. This was, of course, before my sister starting making and selling baby slings. I would have used one of these for all of Ad's infant and toddler days if I would have had one of these.


4. 80 Billion crib sheets- I thought I would need to change his sheets every single day, sometimes 3-4 times and I was wrong. When he was tiny, I put a cloth pad on top of the sheet for accidents, but mainly, we only use 2 sheets because all the rest don't fit right. And while I am at it, the crib comforter I had to have to match his room, well, it still hasn't been used. I am hoping to finally use it when we switch to a toddler bed.


5. Baby bath- I used this the first month, but after that, my monster had grown 4 feet and 30 pounds so we switched to laying him down in a bath on a foam pad with just an inch of water. Works pretty much the same.

6. a pack and play- again, I know I am in the minority, but the only time we ever used ours was when we were camping. And actually, I couldn't use it then either and ended up using my mother in law's because it was smaller. My cousin in law gave me mine and I am really grateful for her generosity though. Ad just didn't like to be anywhere except right on my hip.

7. The infant carseat- I would probably buy my Graco SnugRide again if I had to do it all over again because they are the safest for infants, but Ad had practically outgrown the thing before he was even here. At 9 lbs 5 oz at birth, he was certainly snug in it. I think I switched over to a convertable carseat at 5 months. But I guess it was easier to just take him in from the car still in his carseat since the first few months he slept the whole time.


I would love to hear some of your must have's until you got them. Maybe another day I will post some things I really couldn't live without. I know you all are dying with anticipation.

PS- luckily, my sister in law was gracious enough to give me a ton of baby stuff she had, most of which I used regularly, such the shopping cart seat cover that sparked a lot of controversy on my cousin's blog. Most of the stuff I had to have but didn't really ever use I bought myself. I learned my lesson- take every hand-me-down you can possibly fit in your house because those are the things that you will inevitably use the most- the tried and true.

The infamous mom guilt

I know that a million posts have been made from moms (and dads!) across the world on mom-guilt. I am feeling a big dose of it right now.

Adler is set to start preschool (except at his new school, its called play school) on August 11. On the 9th, I will get to go in with him and sit with him while he has his first day, but the 11th, he will be all on his own. Its 3 mornings a week.

I feel good about the decision we made to send him because I think it will do him good to be around other children his own age. At 19 1/2 months, he has actually never really been around children except cousins, and that is not very often.

But. The last thing I want is for preschool to make him a changed man. He is my baby and I want him to stay that way for at least a bit longer. What if something happens to his little personality at preschool? What if he stops being silly, stops being sweet, stops being self-assured?

While I am at it, I am feeling a little worried because for the last 20 months, everything Adler has learned has been from ME (or family). I love that it has been my responsibility. I can't believe I am so quick to give that awesome role to someone else 3 mornings a week. What was I thinking?

I think I must just be getting cold feet. I am excited for him, I am. I think we are doing the right thing, but if not, we can always take him out. I am trying to keep this mole hill a mole hill and not a mountain. Its hard though, because I tend to be over-dramatic.

This bothers me

and I know it shouldn't.

But, in OK Magazine, Jessica Alba and her baby's daddy were talking about her birth to daughter Honor, saying:

"I didn't scream," Jessica tells OK! in an exclusive interview and photoshoot. "It was really Zen." And Cash could only marvel at his wife's quiet strength when she gave birth. "She didn't make a sound," he says. "It was amazing."

I just don't like it and I am not sure why. Does anyone else get the vibe or I am just being too critical?

While I am at it, another thing I don't like, is Minnie Driver on her impending labor and delivery from Celebrity Baby Blog:

Her old fashioned approach extends to her preferred method of delivery -- Minnie says that a C-section is "antithetical to what I believe in every cell of my body." She adds,
"I'd have this baby in the sea if it wasn't so polluted."

I am all for natural childbirth, water births, quiet births, c-section births, hynobirths, epidural births...whatever needs to be done, but it seems whenever celebrities start talking about childbirth, I start feeling annoyed.

I also get annoyed when celebrites mention breastfeeding in their interviews. It always seems awkward, like they are dropping into the conversation intentionally to let the public know they are doing it.

While we are at it, all these photo-shoots they do with the tabloids irks me too- they look so well rested and content with sickeningly sweet smiles on their faces and they talk about being up all night with the baby but they don't mind because its so wonderful and beautiful and on and so on. Oh, don't forget the line all new celebrity moms use (note the breastfeeding line drop in there too)- "I'm not exercising at all, but the weight is coming off from breastfeeding."

Oh, but they leave out the whole, "I have a night nanny who wakes up with the baby and then a day nanny who takes care of the baby while I am at the trainer or napping or buying clothes. Oh, and the caterer brings all our meals to us and I don't have one other thing to do but gaze sweetly at my newborn baby for the next 6 months until I start work on my new movie and my new fragrance comes out."

I really don't know why I am feeling bitter today.

I do have to add that I am sure there are celebrities out there who do not deserve this lash out and to them, I am sorry. You are normal.

Baby Video

Adler got a Baby Faith video as a favor at a birthday party he went to recently. Its a series of videos for kids ranging from 0-36 months and is a cross between baby einstein and sesame street. Its main characters are hand puppets and the music is old timey hymns. It follows the baby einstein theme in that it shows toys in motion and bright, attention catching things on the screen- but is different in that it has plot too. Anyway, Ad has the Noah story (his fav video)- "God Made Animals" and the Joseph and his brothers story- "God Made Families."

Its 30 minutes long and Ad can't take his eyes off the screen the entire time. its the only show he actually watches for longer than about 30 seconds. I highly recommend it to parents and people looking for gift ideas for kids infant to 3.

HC Porter

Adler and I spend a few hours downtown Saturday because the weather was beautiful and decided to stop by the HC Porter art gallery. She is an amazing artist who mainly depicts southern African American culture in her artwork. She is currently exhibiting a collection called "Backyards and Beyond" which shows us not only the pictorial devastation of Hurricane Katrina on the MS Gulf coast, but of the perseverance and strength of Mississippians. Alongside of the artwork, you can view a video that tells the stories of her subjects. It was very moving. If you are in the Jackson area, you can check out the exhibit at the Mississippi Art Center Mar 8-Jun 8, 2008.

On other news, I need your help out there. Adler has decided that he is scared to take a bath. Its shocking because ever since he was born, he loves bathtime and cries when he has to get out. A few nights ago, he threw a toy out of the tub, a big no-no in our house, and I gave him a stern no with my mean face. He started crying and did not stop until he got out of the tub. I chalked that up to his dramatic personality. However, ever since then, every time I put him in the tub he cries until he gets out. Last night I stuck my feet in with him and he clung to them and was happy and playing until I got out, then he started crying again. I guess I tramatized him when I scolded him! Anyway, have any of your kids been scared of the bath, and if so, how did you change it? Note- its not running water that scares him, its the being in the tub part. Its almost like a separation thing.

Musings

I used to want to be a gymnast. I loved the feeling of being completely out of control spinning round and round on the parallel bars, limbs flying this way and that. I didn’t realize that the basic fundamentals of being a gymnast involved austere control of movement and balance or it would have ruined all of my fun (and actually made me into a good gymnast).

I used to want to be a tennis player. The thwuck thwuck sound of the ball hitting the racket was melody in my ears; the sqweerk of my tennis shoes braking on the tennis floor was the harmony. However, there was a bit too much sqweerk and not enough thwuck and I quickly got frustrated with my life’s ambition.

I used to want to be a writer just like my favorite authors Beverly Cleary and L.M. Montgomery so I could write about little girls getting into mischief, having quarrels with their kindred spirits, and falling in love. I soon realized that my love for words came from reading them, not writing them thought and I abandoned that one too.

I used to want to be a farmer’s wife, like the ones from olden days. I envisioned making biscuits for breakfast before my hard-working husband and sons went out in to the field for the day and then a hearty lunch of fried chicken and vegetables and potatoes as they came in for lunch. I would spend the rest of my day sweeping the worn wooden floors, hanging the day’s wash out on the line to dry, and calling on neighbors. I think I may have read a bit too much Anne of Green Gables.

I used to want to be a teacher. I adored my second grade teacher Ms. Tolliver and wanted to be just like her. She was so kind and gentle with me and even after all these years, I consider her one of the teacher’s who made the biggest impact on me.

The only other thing I ever wanted to be that I can remember was a mother. Originally, as my own mother recorded in my childhood scrapbook, my only reason behind my desire to be a mother was that I “didn’t want to work too hard.” Although my desire to be a mother never wavered over the years, my ideas of what motherhood is all about has completely changed from my days of thinking it would allow me not to work too hard. This job is the first one of my childhood dreams that I have fulfilled. It is by far the hardest one of the list; it comes with a list of trials and troubles, worries and weariness, frustrations and failures; but I also know that it is the most rewarding out of any on my list above or any that I could ever imagine. I simply love being a mother. I love the waking up early to a goofy grinning boy who starts every morning out with a silly dance and a game of chase. I love that he is generous with his love, stopping multiple times of the day to give me hugs and pats on the back. I love that when I walk into a room, he does a little dance and scrambles to show me what he’s doing or point out his toys. I love being the one he brings his books to, the one he wants to sit upon while he is read to. I love that he feels most comfortable in my arms, that when he is sick or tired or just grumpy, he wants me. If I could be nothing else in the world, or if I could be anything else in the world, I would choose motherhood again and again.