I totally spaced the other day (the 27th) and forgot to give a birthday shout out to my husband- Happy 30th sweetie- you are the best and I love you. I am blessed to have you as my help-mate, best friend, and husband.
And happy one week birthday Hazel!
Now, on to hormone induced topics....
So, Adler is spending a few days camping with E's parents. He was excited but I was feeling pretty sad about having him away. And then to top it off, last night when I called to tell him goodnight, he didn't want to talk to me. There were tears, let me tell you (mine.) Ad and I, especially the past few months, have really become partners. Staying at home, I have him basically at my side 24-7. I am really feeling pretty sad about not having him to myself anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am loving having Hazel here and would never want anything different. But its bittersweet, because it means giving up something with Adler. I think he will be fine with it once he adjusts, but will I? I want to continue to give him what I always have, and I know that's not possible. I miss my little guy, and the time we spend together. I know things will eventually even out. I know that I will find time to have two arms to hug him again, two hands and undivided attention to play with him. Logically I know that, but it doesn't stop the ache in my heart to have it readily available for him at all times. I was prepared to feel guilt over not being able to spend as much time with Ad as we are both accustomed to. As a matter of fact, it was one of the first emotions I had when I found out I was pregnant in the first place. What I wasn't prepared for was the intense longing I have to hug and love on Adler, to assure him that I love him even more than I did yesterday, that his world is the same, and to continue to do all the things that I did with him before, that maybe I didn't even particularly always want to do, like bathe him or sing him 200 songs before bed.
I remember when I had Adler, I went through this same thing, on a larger scale, but in the midst of the excitement and joy of having him, I mourned the loss of the time I had to spend with Eric and also myself. It did take a long time to get my groove back, to find our place as a family of 3. And now, I can't IMAGINE my family without Ad. I can't think of a time I was happier than when Adler has been in our life. My relationship with E and the person that I am now is so much richer because of that little boy. And I know that Hazel will do the same thing to our family. Its just the adjusting part that is sort of tricky!