The one where I get rid of my crocs

Tonight after church, I was talking with my friend Brooke and I noticed her adorable gold sandals. I immediately winced after noticing them as I looked down at my own sandals, brown leather, not the kind of sandals in a petite, fashionable sense, but sandals in the clunky, "makes you think of dirty feet" sense (which mine were not, by the way) and dare I even mention the half painted toes that were sporting nail polish, oh, circa 2005? As I worked my way up, to the jeans that were slightly too tight in all the wrong places, to the too big shirt that I actually thought twice about wearing, but then decided to wear anyway because I knew I would be wearing Hazel in the Baby Bjorn all night and no one would really notice, to the hair that I am not quite sure I brushed today, and the makeup that I put on with my left hand while I was holding Hazel this afternoon, I realized that I had OFFICIALLY let myself go.

Its so easy to hide behind your children, make sure they look good, but then rely on the million excuses that a mom has as to why she looks the way she does. I use the excuse that I just don't have time to do things like paint my toenails, and if I did have a few minutes to myself, I would much rather be blogging about it than actually doing it. I have literally stopped caring all together, and that's dangerous!

But I didn't always used to be this way. A fashionista I have never been, but I did have a few years where I really discovered my own style and took time to dress up when I would go out- I would say my best years were 1999-2005 (SIX years out of 30 isn't so impressive!). But I had kids and that was that. To tell you how bad it has gotten, I do not own not even one pair of dress shoes, not one (unless you count the black crocs that I have that if you are at least 20 feet away and the sun is in your eyes sort of look like ballerina flats).

I think that God wants us to present ourselves better than what I have been doing. Even the famed Proverbs 31 woman wore colorful, high quality clothing. That is not to say our focus should be on our outer appearance, as 1 Peter 3:3 tells us that it should be on "inner self, the unfading beauty of a gently and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's eyes." But as women, let's face it, we just FEEL better when we are wearing something or have styled our hair in a way that makes us feel pretty or special. I know it sounds cheesy, but I know that no woman reading this would disagree. And I really think there is a reason for that and I see nothing wrong with it. Shouldn't we present ourselves, beings that God made and said was good, in a way that is, well, a reflection of the best part of ourselves?

So, here I go. I am not rushing out to buy a new wardrobe (which, sadly, I would need to do if I were going full force here), and really don't want to buy any clothes until I lose some of the baby weight, but I am going to start by learning the art of accessorizing. So if you see me out with my faded, gap outlet 1.99 discount shirt with the undisclosed yellow stain on one sleeve and the baby spit up down the back- be looking, because you might just see a hint of sparkly gold (as in gold COLORED)a bangle on my wrist or maybe my very own gold sandals!

On Self-deprivation

Okay, that title sounded way more serious than the post that follows, but anyway.

So, I decided that after 3 weeks of no meat, I would start back on it. Honestly, it has not been any practice of will to refrain from eating meat. I never even missed it; therefore I just didn't feel the need to continue to experiment any longer. Maybe if I would have gone completely vegan, it would have been different. I know prolonged, if I would have gone 2 or more months without meat, I may have started to miss it, but 1 month (or 3 weeks) wasn't really long enough to make a difference.

So, I switched things up a bit. Starting this past Monday, I am not eating any sugary snacks or desserts until May 29, a little under 3 weeks. I admit this is more of a weight-loss thing, but will also be a major test of will for me. I love my sweets- I think that was why the meatless things wasn't that big of a deal; I was able to console myself with twinkies.

Anyway, I have done well with one slip up though. Yesterday, I was digging through my purse and I found a single sort of gray in color and crusty in texture skittle at the bottom of my purse. I was desperate. And weak. And I felt sick afterward.

Adler is doing better today- breathing better, sleeping better and eating better. Hopefully the worst is over and he will be recovering soon.

Other than that, things are good. I have started working out again and it hurts so good. Want to know my thinspirations?

where I want to be this summer

where I'll probably be this summer



(Either way, it will involve a swimsuit, though!)

So, I had to google to get those pics, so I searched “thinspirations.” What a scary return I had! I didn’t realize that word is the word that was an eating disorder term. So I got to see a bunch of pictures of incredibly skinny, incredibly sickly girls. Did you know that Olivia Newton John’s daughter battles with anorexia? Anyway, apparently, there is a pro-ana, pro-buli movement out there that celebrates eating disorders. You can even order bracelets that are a certain color for anorexia and another for bulimia. After looking at some of the pictures, I feel a little sick to my stomach.

So, I haven’t really started eating much better yet; usually the more I exercise, the better I start to eat though. I hate working my butt off on the elliptical and knowing I only burned off the coke I drank for lunch. That knowledge usually curbs my desire for empty calories. I am hoping to be back in my pre-pregnancy summer clothes this year. I was able to hide it this winter because of big sweaters and jackets, but summer clothes are so unforgiving! I am really tired of wearing the same 3 outfits though, because I have refused to buy in bigger sizes. So, unless I want to do that this summer, I am going to get back in shape! I will let you know the progress.

So far, after week one, I haven’t lost a pound though! I can, however, complete 3 sets of 12 of the regular style push ups. No knees involved; and I am pretty proud of that. I credit that to lugging around a 27 lb weight all day long- thanks Adler! Now, if only I can figure out a way to carry him around with my thigh muscles, I can get them down to a manageable size!