Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The infamous mom guilt

I know that a million posts have been made from moms (and dads!) across the world on mom-guilt. I am feeling a big dose of it right now.

Adler is set to start preschool (except at his new school, its called play school) on August 11. On the 9th, I will get to go in with him and sit with him while he has his first day, but the 11th, he will be all on his own. Its 3 mornings a week.

I feel good about the decision we made to send him because I think it will do him good to be around other children his own age. At 19 1/2 months, he has actually never really been around children except cousins, and that is not very often.

But. The last thing I want is for preschool to make him a changed man. He is my baby and I want him to stay that way for at least a bit longer. What if something happens to his little personality at preschool? What if he stops being silly, stops being sweet, stops being self-assured?

While I am at it, I am feeling a little worried because for the last 20 months, everything Adler has learned has been from ME (or family). I love that it has been my responsibility. I can't believe I am so quick to give that awesome role to someone else 3 mornings a week. What was I thinking?

I think I must just be getting cold feet. I am excited for him, I am. I think we are doing the right thing, but if not, we can always take him out. I am trying to keep this mole hill a mole hill and not a mountain. Its hard though, because I tend to be over-dramatic.


Sara said...

Don't stress. He will do fine and it will be so good for him. You are preparing him for the future by putting him around other children and helping him learn discipline from someone other than family. Hope all goes well!

WonderGirl said...

Ash, first of all, it's not a molehill. It's a big deal, so don't feel silly for having some strong emotions about it.

This is your child, who has never been very far away from you his whole life. It's fine to be anxious about it! I cried when Wrenn started Pre-K. It's just the first step away of many, and it's hard to start down that road, because you know it leads to a time when they don't really "need" you anymore. so, no, you're not being overly dramatic.

Second of all, you seem to be very level-headed about it. If it seems to have more negative impacts than good, then you just pull him out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised, though. I think he'll do great, he'll love it, and it will be good for him. I don't think at this age he can pick up bad behaviors that you can't correct. If he learns something you don't want him to do, you help him "unlearn" it at home. And who he is fundamentally will not change either. You'll actually be surprised how long he'll be loving and affectionate and confident. 3 days a week away from you will not change that about him. That's who he IS! You can relax on that count. He's gonna stay your little guy just the way he is for quite some time.

You're going through what we all do, dear. It's just tough to let them grow up, even a little. It breaks your heart, bit by bit. But, I promise, it'll heal, and you'll see that who Adler becomes is just as sweet as who he has been.

Hope that helps. You'll be okay, and so will he, I promise.

Melissa said...

I agree with Wondergirl's comment totally! She saved me a long post. We all have gone through this, I think I cried more than they did. I even snuck my car around in a position that I could observe them on the playgroung the first week to see if they were okay. I was glad they were happy, but a little sad also because it was time away from me. Play school was the best decision we ever did for ours, they have so much fun and gain so much confidence. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Laura said...

Ashley, hang in there! I know it is so hard. Alise loves her day school and I'm trying to talk up the "big girl school" she will be going to on the 13th! She has her "best friends" and she has learned so much more than I could ever imagine. I am so glad we made the decision to send her to school. Well, we really didn't have an option because I decided to go back to work, but you get the picture.

Janet T said...

bless you, Ashley, for being the loving mother that you are! As one of your aunts, I am so proud to be able to claim you as one of my beautiful nieces; and as a teacher, I wish all moms were as loving and concerned about their children as you are...it sure would make my job easier! On a side note to Melissa, I did the same thing as you when my son started school. I put him on the bus that first week, and then followed the bus every morning to make sure he made it to his classroom okay!