Monday, April 13, 2009

Weary

We had a great Easter Sunday yesterday! I was feeling much much better and we were able to go to church and spend time with both sides of the family. Adler had a great time too- he is quite the egg hunter! He figured out that the good eggs were the ones that were hard to find.

We got home last night and finally got Ad down to bed around 9. I was exhausted. And then I had a chance to look at my house and realized how terribly unkempt (putting it nicely) that it was and felt even more exhausted. I have mountains of laundry that needs to be washed, and a bigger range of mountains that need to be folded and put away. I have toys scattered EVERYWHERE, dust 2 inches thick covering every surface of my house, a refrigerator and pantry that need to be organized and most definitely refilled, floors that haven't seen a mop in ages, a half finished room that NEEDS to be a playroom, a playroom that NEEDS to be a nursery, bathrooms that need some attention to detail, taxes that need to be filed....the list goes on. I feel weary at the thought of it, and ashamed that I am falling down on my job as the keeper of my home. I know that as a Christian wife and mother, God expects so much more from me. I am nervous about bringing another child into the world, about how I am going to be able to possibly handle the responsibilities when I often feel I am barely holding my head above water now. I pray today that God gives me the desire and strength to be the Proverbs 31 woman He calls me to be.

4 comments:

Sara said...

Glad you are feeling better. It can definitely be overwhelming to wear so many different hats and have to play the role of wife, mother, child of God, teacher, sister, and the list goes on and on. Hang in there! Carrying a baby takes a lot of work and you'll get your energy back soon.

In Wondermom said...

Ash you are a wonderful wife and mother. I am so proud of who you are. It is about what you add to our lives that matters, not how clean your house is! I must say you do a good job with that, too! I love you hon.

WonderGirl said...

Ash, God doesn't "expect" you to have a perfect home. He's not ticking things off the Proverbs 31 List that you didn't do today. It's really difficult for us as women to not measure our spiritual condition by how much we've accomplished in our homes-- but we've got to resist that impulse. It's just false! We are not sanctified in His sight by what we do, or how well we do it. It could never be enough! What He wants is not clean floors and folded laundry-- but a thankful heart that seeks Him. Col. 3:17-And whatever you do, whether by speech or action, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I think when you are doing that, it is inevitable that it will manifest itself in visible ways in your life, in your home. But the importance is not on the TASK itself, but on the HEART behind it. Don't let the details of the work bog you down. Don't buy into that mindset that the more you excel domestically, the more God is happy with you. That will rob you of your joy, like all lies do. All you will ever do is feel guilty, discouraged-- and that is NOT what God wants for you.

Don't worry, sister. God sees you, knows you-- and rejoices in you like a husband in his bride. He knows your weaknesses, He knows the flaws, the shortcomings-- and He loves you, even in them. He is not impatient with you, He is not frustrated. He is in love with His Creation, with you, so much so that He let His Son die. That's big. He's not eying that pile of laundry in the corner, He's gazing right at YOU. What He wants most of all, is for you to be looking back at Him.

You're going to be able to do this, I promise. You'll have highs and lows, we all do. But be encouraged, because He has not given you more than you can handle. I hope I didn't go on too much about this, but I know exactly how you feel. I just want you to know, you're not alone. I'll be praying for you, as God takes you to these new places.

Mom Sandi said...

I second Wondergirl's comments. We've all been there and know what you are going though. Just remember I am here any time to babysit or come over and help! Love u.